Last night, me and my liver got in our first fight. To anyone who has endured an insomniac night after having wronged a loved one, you know how I feel…

I know what you’re thinking, only date four and trouble already brewing?! But let’s remember that my liver and I have a history, and these 30 days are supposed to be a special time of uninterrupted nutritious and detoxifying harmony. Instead…well let’s just say things got ugly. Details to follow.
All kidding aside, your relationship with your body really is just like a relationship with someone you care about. I didn’t realize that this was true until I saw the same unhealthy patterns of behavior I’ve had in relationships in the way I acted last night. Like, EXACTLY. In the past I usually just chalked up such episodes to being in the wrong relationship.
Now I’m realizing-what if it’s just me?
So. The fight. Really, trouble starting brewing early on in the day. I had a gorgeous To-Do list all planned out and had been hitting every mark. My Green Monster Smoothie had jump-started my day with delicious clean energy and I was just polishing off a shopping list of items at the mall when I got a call from one of my all-time favorite people asking me to join for dinner and comradery in Houston. I was torn. Slam dunk my day of accomplishment by doing the culminating items on my list-painting portraits all night? Or treat myself to a night of good food and company in Houston, even though I knew I was broke?
It’s rare that decisions are actual moments where you get to sit and consider both sides, weigh consequences, and can pinpoint from that moment if the correct decision was made. This was one of those rare moments, and I chose wrong.
Not that I didn’t have a fantastic time. Wrote my indulgent blog on liver-friendly drinking while enjoying a glass of wine myself at a favorite watering hole. Ended up splitting a fabulous ahi tuna salad at Baba Yega’s over some dazzling conversation.
But somehow, the tide turned. Maybe it was a glass of wine too many after almost no alcohol in weeks. Maybe it was the continuation of having already made one permissive and decadent choice about the entire day.
But suddenly I was eating cookies.
Gluten free, sure, but the chocolate was real.
Then I was at the House of Pies, my tongue burning on my first steaming-hot bite of gooey pecan-fudge.

At that point my liver would have been fine. I’d wake up in the morning, feeling groggy and full but content, and still ready to metabolize the heck out of my next green smoothie. Instead, those same horrible habits that get me in trouble in relationships turned against myself.
“Well I’ve already been bad tonight…and I know I won’t let myself do this again…so I better just be REALLY bad while I can!”
Yes, this passes for logic when night-time cravings appear and sugar has touched my palette. So what made this a fight and not just a day of not checking everything off my to-do list?
-2 huge cookies
-1 slice pecan fudge pie
-1 package fresh raspberries
-1 package smoked salmon
-1 almond snickers bar
-1 peanut snickers bar
and
-1 40oz of Shiner Bock
And this was all after dinner. You can kind of see the sad, munchy attempt to stay semi-healthy with the omega-3s in the salmon and raspberries (my driving back to Galveston snack and a great combo for real meals…) but it definitely goes downhill at the Snickers bars…I mean good God, when’s the last time I ate candy? All that sugar kept me up till 6 am, when I finally passed out after getting some of that jittery energy out with some yoga.
Whew. Like with all mistakes, it does feel better to get it all out and see that it’s not really that big of a deal. At the same time, I would have enjoyed each and every one of those little transgressions from my strict routine if I’d had them separately, over time. Savored the devilish yumminess of it all. Instead, I gorged, had a sugar-hangover the next day, and deeply regretted doing things that I was doing for pleasure in the moment of doing them.
Moral(s) of the Story
Choose happiness over pleasure.
Was that confusing? Long-term happiness beats out the short-term pleasures we get from a sugary bite of pie or saying that snarky-remark in the moment which makes us feel like an ass the next day.

Strive to maintain awareness.
From the impulse to trash my to-do list to the moment my brain turned into a big stomach between my ears, the loss of awareness at key points led me to regret my actions the next day.
Be clear about your relationship with your body.
A key problem here was that I lost track of the key to what I want from my relationship with my body, liver especially. I want to commit to my health. This means no screwing around with toxins and binge nights. If I can’t commit to my own well-being, well, then what? Which leads me to the eureka insight from this whole affair:
Can coming to terms with my unhealthy behavior patterns actually prevent them from happening with other people?
I never understood till last night how my still unhealthy relationship with my own body affects my relationships with others, with projects I work on, and with the whole world. As crappy as I felt today, both physically and emotionally for screwing my detox up, I’m glad I had the opportunity to discover this connection. Understanding just how vital committing to my health is to these other areas of my life is going to bolster my drive to eat well and live well in the future.